One way traffic - I

I saw her shadow,and loved her
She was beautiful;nothing else did matter ...

The evening before last,on my way home from my university,while I was waiting for the appropriate train at the Sealdah railway station,the above lines were swimming in my head.A very dear friend was just shortly before explaining to me how his love for the queen of his heart isn't to die even if she did not care.He says that of all she can do,she can never dissuade him from loving her.Knowing him as well I do,it felt like I was hearing someone else's words but from his mouth.Somebody had finally stepped into the same boat as me,even if momentarily be it so.

This is my fourth year running in college and I've been known to 'fall in love' twice in this period.That friend of mine has been in two 'relationships',and was attempting at a third.Spot the difference?

We are specifically dealing with the romantic form of love here.Once upon a time I used to plainly ridicule the very thing.That was before I myself tasted it.Even then I have been always been apprehensive of copybook romantic relationships.Firstly,because of the desire it brings.Once you are romantically attached to someone,it inevitably brings in the element.But once you are in a relationship,the desire has now a claim to legitimacy.The derivatives then are sense of possession,jealousy and insecurity.And then the factor of love itself becomes qualified.Conditional.Adulterated.Then come the mutual expectations,which create imposed responsibilities.Result rather than helping each other to develop they tend to limit each other.The more copybook a relationship is,more chained are the people in it.In the words of the Dalai Lama,"...[W]hen I watch a couple, I think it is nice, but then I feel there are too many problems. You first worry about finding the right partner.Then if no children, you worry. If you have children you worry about their health, education, marriage and then the same with grand children."

Maybe my views are right,or they maybe wrong..the speculation is inconsequential.But these were the same reasons I loathed the very concept of romantic love.Seldom did I know that I could never even come close to realizing the full nature of love unless I understood it's romantic,sexual and platonic,form.

It so happened that when I for the first time realized that Cupid's arrow had indeed penetrated through my rhino skin and gathered enough courage and motivation to announce my feelings to a girl with whom I had been sharing a magical friendship for nearly a year,Fate forced me to the gallows of rejection Earlier this year,it was another girl,the result was the same.As a result,I have had ample opportunity to study the mechanics of unilateral love.None's a saint to start with.I had my periods of weakness when I was blinded by desire.One way love is mostly a cruel thing as it is incomplete,the innermost cravings to be loved like you do unsatisfied.Worst thing : it creates an iota of guilt.Your peace robbed and judgement shrouded.Sure,romantic love bode pain either way.

Then I discovered the other side.I found it was easier to conquer and control the cons in the position I was in.Once I managed to do that,I was left with was an indomitable urge,one that reminds me of the force encountered during what we decently term as nature's call.An indomitable urge to give and go on giving to the object of such urge,leaving which the subject instantaneously cares for nothing else.And all at once I had struck upon the essence of that phenomenon before which even the mightiest kneel.One way traffic is the simplest form of not only romantic love,but also love in general.Reciprocation is not necessary for love to be complete.You go on craving,expecting and no matter how fulfilling a relationship you might be in,it never feels complete;eliminate your desire,and there are no blocks to the salvation of your love.

So,I can safely say that my imagination romantically involved with two girls at the same time,and I have a problem with none,neither they have between themselves nor with me for that matter.The latter one is getting married.But who's worried as long as I have my leave to love her!

I saw her shadow,and loved her
She was beautiful;nothing else did matter
She kept her distance,and I kept mine
And all along,we lived it just fine...